Questions for Heart Opening

by Sherry Rubin

 

Internal Family Systems (IFS) believes in the beautiful multiplicity of mind where we have an inner family (Parts) that arise to help us navigate our world. When we have access to what is referred to as a “critical mass” of Self energy, sometimes referred to as soul or the divine within, we have essential qualities of being online that allow us to help, heal and lead our parts. 

 

Many parts take on protective roles, thankfully, for they do get us through! And there are parts referred to as exiles; they hold the feelings and experiences that are believed to be too painful or dangerous to be allowed expression. The exiles are vulnerable and young. We are cultivating relationships between our Self and our parts; it is Self-energy or Spirit that can heal. Psyche and Spirit are both embraced by living from an IFS paradigm.

 

In 2021, I heard one of my Littles (exiles) who was noticing an embodied experience of calm, connection, clarity, and courage, ask me, “Where were you?” I immediately understood her surprise and confusion. I heard her again after the 2024 election, but protectors helped me be numb, so I couldn’t respond to her until more recently. This ongoing and deepening relationship to Spirit within and Beyond informs, and in forms this poem.

        

2021:  Where were you?

 

The Self who is here now,

the One who has choices,

agency and power,  

showed up in the only ways available.

 

Remember the wild blackberries you foraged;

how you cantered and galloped in the yard.

The times you were that horse, the wind,

poetry in motion

(when these had no names, just a felt sense).

 

Sitting on the snow-covered ground

tucked inside the magnificent Pine,

snuggling next to her tall trunk,

embraced, protected and hidden 

by her fragrant branches,

knowing you belonged there.

 

When imagination beamed you 

from the yelling and meanness

to a place of protection

(even if it was a far distance from your body);

the times you knew you were wild,

and therefore free.

 

We both know

those times were short lived and fleeting,

but their presence and pulsing

in this moment,

in memory embodied,

is proof

I have always been with you.

 

2025:  Where Are You Now?

 

The air is thick with fear,

each executive order

shattering the fragile sense of safety,

inviting terror to invade and occupy.

 

We can’t find or feel you writing your senators,

making phone calls, joining the groups,

or helping at the local food pantry.

When we struggle to get out of bed in the morning,

where are you? 

 

We know our white body has privileged and protected us,

yet we carry the pain of our ancestors.

We are the immigrants, Jews, women,

LGBTQ+, the disabled who are next in line.

Where will you be?

 

The Self who is here now,

the One who has choices, agency and power,  

welcomes your question, welcomes you.

 

“I am listening. Steady. Calm.

My heart breaks open to a vastness and love

that holds me as I hold you.

In the face of hatred that allows unspeakable cruelty

I am the kindness that reminds you,

the love that commits, ‘You will never be alone.

I am with you in the terror,

and in the beauty that still exists.’

 

When there is no thing to do,

I remind you that you can be here with me,

leave that space and time

when hiding under the stairs was the best option.

 

Each time we are in the woods,

or under the night sky,

we are touched and embraced by the Divine.

 I remember that you, my beloveds, are the wisdom keepers,

direct descendants of the stars,

the Littles who remind me

 that unhealed wounds are the source of cruelty.

This never excuses cruelty, but it does help me remember

that your wounds have been poked;

that you deserve compassionate witnessing

and hands on love.

 

Each time you tug on my coat sleeve and ask,

“Where are you?”

I will kneel down, kiss your forehead, hold you, love you, 

and apologize if I left for too long.

 

This is where I am today

and I vow

this is how I will forever be

with and for you.”

 

Sherry Rubin, LCSW, RYT, is a certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist and consultant, and on staff for somatic IFS trainings. She is a yoga and yoga nidra teacher and loves laughing with others. Inspired by her experience at the 2024 FCRP conference, she has joined the Planning Committee to support offering the opportunities and gifts that flow from these conferences.