Reflections on the 2025 FCRP Conference

Lauri Holmes

As I look back on the Memorial Day weekend at Pendle Hill, it’s not easy to express the impact of the whole experience on me…and on Tom as well.

I’ve been present when Tom introduced the Parts Work model in Egypt, Jordan and in the US, so I've been part of several audiences for his work. My being present at those presentations has given me a view of the quality of the atmosphere, the support, that an audience gives for his work.

My impression of the group at the conference was that it was, as my grandkids say, “awesome!” It felt that the group as a whole was tuned in, but also that each person was making this journey with their own experience, searching, contributing and being flexible, whether participating in the meditations, laughing with the “goofiness” of some of the dances, exploring courageously in the small groups, being present in the large group.

Two sets of reflections came during and after the weekend which I’ve found to be food for thought and meditation:

Finding the spiritual dimension: the Quaker approach and “Parts Work”

It’s beginning to seem to me that the biggest obstacle to tuning into the spiritual dimension is not necessarily the difficulties that life brings, but the busy-ness of our lives and the constant need to adapt and react to circumstances and challenges which aren’t necessarily “bad” in themselves, but which drown out the connection to the spiritual dimension, whatever that is for each one of us.

It’s become apparent to me that a conscious effort is required to remove ourselves from this busy-ness to give ourselves a space, a quiet space to make it possible to listen for the spirit, however that manifests itself for each of us. This is why the Quaker silence is so essential, and it is, I think, unique to the Quaker tradition. It forms the container, the surrounding, for the activism that the Quaker community is so rightfully revered for.

This connects with the idea of the “Parts.” The parts are what help us (or try to help us) manage these big and small everyday challenges. And here is a place where Parts Work and the spiritual journey do seem to come together. We can meet our parts and relate to them, sometimes in intensive dialog to find out what they are trying to tell us, or sometimes just acknowledging them and their presence (but, as I mentioned, not asking them to “step back” too soon!). This can then be part of, or pave the way for, a meaningful silence where we are freer to be in touch with the spirit.

Parts Work and the Quaker view

Another thought that has occurred to me has to do with the relationship between Parts Work and the Quaker idea of the “Inner Light.” I’ve been sympathetic with the Quaker view of the world and its people for many years, but have never been able to really accept the idea that each person

really has an inner light, since it does not seem to exist in so many of the people in the world, especially those who perform on the world stage.

Dick Schwartz insists that every person has a Self. But that Self is often covered up with layers of protectors, or firefighters, or managers. In some cases, the parts are so thickly attached around the person that the self never emerges or is even remotely there. This is a way of conceptualizing the problem of “evil” or “evil people” and it offers an explanation of why the “inner light” so often seems not to exist because it is veiled with all these parts. It has been for me a meeting of the psychological and the spiritual.

On Pendle Hill

If we come to a place often, we can begin to take it for granted. As a newer visitor to Pendle Hill, I feel anxious to let you who are part of the community there know never to take it for granted. I’ve been to many “spiritual centers” around the world and I’ve never experienced the spiritual resonance that is at Pendle Hill. It is truly a place where the spirit dwells.

We hope that the intended final blessing, “Salama Beta,” continues to hover over all who were at the conference.

These thoughts came out of the weekend. I am so grateful that we had the opportunity to share in the Friends’ community and the spirit of the journey with you all, and I appreciate having shared these thoughts with you.

In gratitude,

Lauri

Bio of Lauri Holmes, who bravely offered us a glimpse into her own parts during the conference:

"I have walked through many lives, some of them my own.”

I was born and raised in Cincinnati, and graduated from Oberlin college with a B.A. in Sociology, and eventually, an MSW from the University of Michigan. In early days, I was active in the nonviolent direct action group CORE, in the civil rights movement of the 60’s.

In the course of the past decades I’ve been a stepmother, an adoptive mother, a biological mother, a single mother, a mother in a “reconstituted” family….and now, a grandmother.

I moved to Kalamazoo in 1973 to direct the counseling program at Family and Children's Services of the Kalamazoo Area. I introduced the family systems approach to the agency, and that led me to a conference on family therapy where I met Dick Schwartz, who at that time was a nationally known family therapy teacher. He had just discovered that our inner system has many of the same characteristics that he’d found in his work with families.

My husband Tom and I were so taken with Dr. Schwartz's new systemic approach to the individual psyche that Tom trained with him as he was developing the approach now known as IFS. We then trained my counseling staff and many other therapists in the area in the “Parts Work” approach and wrote the book “Parts Work.”

Since retiring from the agency, I’ve served actively as a board member of a hospice, a medical practice serving indigent patients, a lifelong learning program at the local university, and as an advocate for a preserve in Kalamazoo. I’ve also had the privilege of being an observer and participant at times in Tom’s work as it has developed over the years. I count myself as extraordinarily lucky to have had a rewarding career, to be married to a wonderful partner, and to live in a town which has rich culture and people who are dedicated to making things better for everyone living there.